Runaway Train 2007

We come at last to the end of another year, another chapter in The Greatest Story Ever Told... and even now, the best end is yet to come. So before I sign off for some contemplating time, I'll leave the details of today in writing so we may never forget that God is in the details. So let's recap this "runaway train," as Al Pacino described life in Devil's Advocate.

The cellphone alarm rings. 12:00AM. I crawl off the bed. I'm in the office's ret room. I fix myself, log in, and pull back a Lipovitan to start up the veins. By the time I get conscious, I have 5 minutes left before my shift starts. The day drags me in and out of dreamland (this is the last abrupt schedule change of the year), until Nhoan gives me the rest of her Starbucks Praline Mocha. I didn't really need to drink it, I just needed to ask how much the cup was to wake up.

The day ends with "Happy New Year!" greetings across the floor. I slump back in the ret room, where Ena waits for me. We get up at 3:00 PM to go home. I take the bus, then the train to get here. I update this blog, and look forward to the New Year with "fear and trembling," as Kierkegaard would have it, but with eager anticipation.

Happy New Year, everybody! God bless you all!

Holiday Havoc

I imagine my story pales in comparison with the Nativity Story, but I couldn't help feeling a slight affinity with the events leading up to this year's Christmas Day. It's a long story, if you don't mind I would like to review:

The Bible is the story of Jesus, to clarify for those who are not quite sure what it is. There is a lovely passage in there listing the bloodline from Adam to Jesus, and then a large PERIOD after (for those who are looking for any "descendants" of the Christ. War, slavery, exile, great journeys and deaths pave the way to that Great Arrival. But even that was just half of the story. His subsequent death - and conquering of death - was the next milestone, and now we await the Great End... which is, of course, A New Beginning. But we should celebrate Christmas today, because all stories, epics, legends and heroes have a Beginning. And if you take a look at Genesis 1:1, you will find the unequivocal introduction to Jesus: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word WAS God."

Anyway... just THINKING about everything and everyone that came before a baby was born in Bethlehem makes me reel in perspective. The horrors before the glory, the deaths before the Life, the slavery before the salvation.

Like I said earlier, MY life pales in comparison. But only because it's supposed to. As John the Baptist said, "He must become more, I must become less." Indeed. Needless to say, a few days ago I could summarize my daily routine as such: God blesses me in the morning, curses me in the afternoon, and shows mercy in the evening. Repeat.

But something happened. This holiday season, things seem to fall in places I never dreamed of before. As if the negative cyclones of life pulled its punches and let the sun shine through. Like that night of turmoil in Bethlehem, beginning with a manhunt and genocide, ending with a Divine Birth. Is this the start of something new? Or does this birth lead to an early Calvary? Only time can tell.

Christmas at the office is fun. A noche buena consisting of 2 slices of spam, morcon, corn and carrots, a caramel brownie, a cup of fruit and OJ (with second helpings!) is a great meal. Season's Greetings sent out thru SMS to as many people as possible is one useful function I tolerate in cellphones. Although I dislike the homogenous greetings to Dee, Era, Maxi, Ina, Anna, Maggie, Joan, Helen and others, I hope the thought counts - the thought that God blesses these wonderful, beautiful people for as long as they live... and beyond.

Happy Holidays, everyone! Happy Birthday, Jesus! Thank you, God!

The Last Voyage of the Doulos

Captain's Log: December 18th, in this year of our Lord Two Thousand and Seven, on the majestic MV Doulos...

This is my second time on this floating library, and most likely the last. This old girl is said to have surpassed the Titanic in sea-years. It will tread waters closer to its home, Germany for dry-docking. Or maybe Papua New Guinea. The call of the sea (and the OTHER calling) could keep it afloat. In any case, I got to buy a postcard and a keychain as souvenirs, and picked up a copy of "Walking with Bilbo" and "Leadership by John Maxwell" along the way. After cookies and strawberry juice, we enjoy a tour through the bowels of the beast, thanks to our new friends Michelle and Jonathan. Michelle reminded me of my own voyage (and shipwrecks), wanting to be a pastor during elementary, a priest during high school, a missionary during college. Now I'm a Royal Priest, making ends meet at a call center.

The best thing about being on the Doulos (or any ship, I imagine), is that if you stand near the railing, you see the deep water surrounding you and the horizon in the distance - both infinite, unknown and mysterious. It reminds me of God and life and the great voyage He planned long ago...

I offer my deep condolences to my friend Kuya Ryan, who lost a friend of his recently. Always remember, my friend: Our last voyage in this world is always the first in the next.

RD OT

Our company's Christmas Party! Has been postponed! Bummer.

Ah, life. Don't we all make plans that sometimes meet an unexpected revision due to circumstance and demand? Such is life.

To add insult to injury, we have the option of overtime instead of party time. To salve the wounds to our ego, free food will be served. Hmmm, what was that about "contentment and godliness"...?

Sunday AM. VERY AM. 12AM, actually...Pre-shift OT. I don't need to tell you about the shift, do I? Didn't think so. Skip to the free food. Didn't feel too hungry, so I stashed it in the freezer. The OT ended faster than I expected. One hour of rest, then it's back to the fray for my regular shift.

Sunday 11 PM. After-shift OT. Thawed the brick in the freezer that, 24 hours earlier, was my free breakfast. Ate it for dinner. That, and then some. I think we should thank God for the blessings that He puts in front of us, instead of the ones that don't arrive, don't you? Time to work... and i'm fast-forwarding to the middle of the shift already! Another team weren't able to finish all their free food, so I got an extra case of brownies! Sweet. I feel like "I Am Legend." Zip to the end of shift where I recount the slow sunrise...

Monday AM. Transition. I forgot to mention that Vicky and Mira were with me during the last OT. Mira went home right after, while Vicky and I sang our lungs out at the Videoke machine. In the pantry (!). Yet another compensation for our troubles. While singing (and dancing) to the tune of "Breaking Free," we shovel in yet another free meal. Vicky sang the F4 theme songs authentically. By the time I sang "It Ends Tonight," Vicky was hoarse and ready to sleep. Did I mention we had another OT tonight? Yes, really.

Monday 11PM. RD OT. Feeling sleepy, tired, hungry and hoarse. Fast forward to lunch. It's 4AM. KFC. See how tired I am? I barely type anymore, not bothering 2 cmplete wrds...Ha.Ha. The shift ends. And so does this post. But like everything else, tomorrow everything goes on.

Such is life. Sing out one more time! "We're soaring, flying..."

There's A Lesson Here...

Came home to an empty house, hungry as hell. Grabbed a plate and checked the nearest pot on the stove. A plain beef broth (read: pieces of beef boiling in water). Yummy. I'll tell you right now, I once fasted for seven days and I lost a lot of reservations I had about food. Anyway, I was too hungry to care. I shoveled it in like a man on death row. After I had my fill, the family came home and asked if I ate the sinigang (my favorite dish) and I of course repeated for emphasis, "Sinigang? I only found the beef!" And, of course, I run to the kitchen to find a small pot on the stove, sitting right beside the first pot. I braced myself for inevitability and looked inside the small pot. A succulent sinigang soup was staring innocently back at me. If the small pot could talk, it would have pointed out that I was satisfied too easily, and that if I had taken the extra effort to look for something better, I would have found it.

I would have glared menacingly back at the small pot to grudgingly agree.

Don't we all feel satisfied too easily? A paycheck, a significant other, cigarettes, alchohol... the list goes on. The satisfaction ends, and we feel like we could have had something more...

Yes, I either 1)think too much, 2)have an overly active imagination, 3)hallucinated from hunger, or 4)received a bona fide lesson from God. As a Royal Priest, I pick... all of the above. After all, God spoke through a burning bush once, you know. Have a nice day!

Alone In The Garden

Today was a weird, detached, Twilight Zone kinda day.

Surrounded by family and friends, I haven't felt this isolated in a long time. Or maybe the blinders were just taken off, and I've been feeling this forever. Everybody and everything just passes by, and the day ends in a slump. As the song goes, "where all the scars of the never's and maybe's die..."

I hold fast to the faith I profess. I reach out to God and cry. I ask for an exit, an escape. I don't belong here. I can't. Like Jesus in Gethsemane, I ask for the chalice to be taken away, but God lets me stare at the shimmering dark surface, the cold drowning liquid, the bitter dregs. Life. As a Royal Priest. In a lost world. Unlike Gethsemane, no angel comes to comfort me. Only emptiness, only sadness. A stark contrast to remind me of the glorious end. As the Jedi profess, "To know the light, you must see the dark."

I stall in the garden, hoping I don't ever have to leave. But my Lord Jesus saw past the Garden and went to Calvary. And as a Royal Priest, I follow the Cross.

RD Recap

Sunday: After exchanging gifts after shift, the team disbanded to their respective gimiks. I stayed in the office for my Weekly Requirement of TV. HBO and AXN, mostly. Around 7PM I ate dinner (since Jollibee was closed, I settled for Mcdonald's). Went back to the Rec Room at 9PM in time for CSI Supreme Sunday on AXN. Woke Marie at 10:45PM for her shift, then Ena at 1:00AM. Fell asleep on the bean bag until a guard woke me up.

Monday: Went to the mall. Checked up on AA thru text. Tried to resolve a long-distance family feud. Fell in love with Power Books again. Lost appetite after seeing shelf after shelf of tomes. Looked for "something hairy" as the next week's exchange gift. Found none in my preferred price range. Purchased extra-large bag of Boy Bawang. Will try again next time. Went home to eat dinner, sell leche flan and ube, and sleep. Woke up by cellphone ringing - text messages from Era and Maxi. Watched Jurassic Park with the sibs while eating Boy Bawang and a litre of Sprite.

Tuesday: Ate leftover pork chop and Boy Bawang for breakfast. Tried to sell leche flan and ube. Delivered a box of leche flan to Dee at Wendy's. First time here. Tried the cheesy bacon melt (Yummy!). Spent a few hours chatting about life and love, friends and family. Haven't had this much fun talking since My or Sandy. Remembered why I chose the Priesthood instead of...anyway. Bought an apple on the way home, got ready for work and returned to the office - in time to update the blog. Stellar!;P

Preoccupied

The Devil works in mysterious ways.

I've been... preoccupied in so many ways recently, it's amazing how effective it was. I remember the tagline of the movie "The Devil's Advocate:" Evil has its winning ways. I won't go into much detail, since it's been so long I hardly remember the lessons God taught me during that time (which would have been the Devil's purpose, I think). I can recall my PC breaking down, a foiled business venture, plus a plethora of financial, spiritual, emotional and psychological turmoil... disappointment and distractions abound.

I have to remind myself of my duty as a Royal Priest, but the thought of Christ's salvation passes most peoples' minds without my help. And right now, even I need salvation - in a real-world crisis sense. I can only cry out, God help me. God help us, every one.

Now I have to catch up on sleep to prep for work. The sad lesson from the movie "Lord of War" comes to mind: "They say 'Evil prevails when good men do nothing.' They should say 'Evil prevails.'" While I play "Waiting on the World to Change" by John Mayer, I think I prefer waiting on God instead... but the world won't wait for God, and vice versa.

Good night.