TRAINING: DAY EIGHTEEN

I relived my prom night today! Even though the strobe lights were replaced with pen lights, and the music came from an MP3 player, and the girl I was dancing with was not my girlfriend... it was nice. I'm still as uncoordinated as an epileptic monkey, though. It just goes to show that anything can happen to anybody, anytime.

I got 90% on my assessment! Only four out of eighteen passed. I would have wanted everyone to succeed, but c'est la vie. This was clearly a moment when God whispered, "Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit" (Zechariah 4:6). Amen. Thank you, God. I personally believe that I DON'T possess anything special - I just do the best at what I need to do. Just presenting myself as a "good worker." (2 Timothy 2:15)

I found a shortcut while I was walking home! I tried a different road, and God guided me home. You know, since the beginning, people who decided to follow God soon realize that the world is literally God's playground - and the followers are told to try the tallest slide. The Old Testament is filled with prophets who act as living billboards (one of my favourite example is the prophet Isaiah, who was commanded to walk naked for THREE YEARS as a prophecy, Isaiah 20:1-6). The New Testament has the Apostles, who went against the grain of the world - and got stoned, crucified upside down, exiled, etc. In modern times, oppression and suffering comes in all shapes and sizes - especially since Jesus set the standard by being tortured until he was unrecognizable (Isaiah 52:14), then put to death on the Cross (1 Peter 2:24).

The class tried a silly software that predicted the best career for each of us. I was recommended as a "Gardener." Interestingly enough, when Jesus came back from the dead, Mary Magdalene thought Jesus was the gardener (John 20:15).

I also tried to offer my condolences to Trainer Dyan. I paraphrase Jesus when He said that a seed must die so that many more will live (John 12:24). I'm sure her father would have wanted Dyan to live, more than he wished it for himself. I would like to believe that you honor your parent's death by living the lessons and values they teach us.

I think of that childhood song, "I Have Decided To Follow Jesus" as I go along:

I have decided to follow Jesus (Repeat 3X)

No turning back, no turning back

The world behind me, the cross before me (Repeat 3X)

No turning back, no turning back

I have decided to follow Jesus (Repeat 3X)

No turning back, no turning back

Even though my high school prom night was the best AND worst night ever, and even though 90% was a good score but not quite what I was aiming for, and even though I could have been robbed while I took a strange path home, I say "No turning back, no turning back."

I'll be in the garden if you need me.

TRAINING: DAY SIXTEEN

"I don't want to hurry, I just don't want to be late. I don't want to worry, I just don't want to be hurt."

With those words I race towards the facade of the building. I'm literally running late. This is the first time I've been almost-late for work. The bus went past the building so fast it supported Einstein's theory of relativity. Yes, time slowed down within the bus, but sped up once I got off and started running back. The Apostle Paul once said that we are runners working toward a finish line. This, then, is my warm-up exercise for the preliminary event.

"Is your barber dead?" Gene poses a Zen-like question, pointing and looking as if something is eating my head. "I'll have to kill my barber, then," I respond. "I'm joking," says Gene. "No, you're not," I correctly state. Yes, today I display my newly trimmed head. True to form, Gene doesn't waste time in making me face facts. "You don't look like a priest. You look like a boy." I have a feeling Gene wrote the Book of Revelations. No wonder I don't have a girlfriend! I have my boyish looks to blame! (Kidding.) If honesty is the best policy, then Gene is the best policyholder ever. Thank you for offering the homemade burger and pack of pork rinds, Gene, but I already swallowed my pride for lunch.

Charades! No other game can turn a class of professionals into a devolved pack of animals faster. As I figure out how to show "Wicker Park" using hand gestures, the girls symbolically kick me in the gonads by reminding me of my virginity. Trainer Dyan jokes encouragingly by saying, "At the end of the training, I'm sure he won't be a virgin anymore." Nice. It's like virginity is a disease, and they're waiting for me to be cured. I don't get the point of fornication- either I'll be trapped in a premature relationship, or I'll leave a poor girl unsatisfied. I still don't want to have sex for the sake of sex. The Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 that God gives the gift of singleness to some and marriage to others. Bummer. But then again, people always feel unease when they can't understand something or someone.

The day ends with me counting my money, making a budget for the rest of the week. I remember my college friend Sandy (another straight-shooter like Gene) who said to me, "No one wants to marry a janitor." No offense to the custodial team, but if I had all my ducks in a row, OF COURSE I WOULD START DATING AGAIN! I would love and hold and cherish and provide for that special young lady (who, I'm sure, has a boyfriend or husband or illegitimate children by now, for being wan for waiting for me) forever and ever, and we would map out our relationship - from dating to marriage til death do us part - and live in a nice house and plan our children's tuition fees and our retirement fund.

But as the Good Book says, "Faith without works is dead" (James 2:17).

As I walk home (to save some money), I say:

"I don't want to hurry, I just don't want to be late. I don't want to worry, I just don't want to be hurt."

INTERMISSION: SABBATH

We take a break from training to respect the Sabbath day. Although a few weekends prior were not noted in the blog, this one does. Did you know that every day of the week is Sabbath for someone, somewhere? Sunday it's the Christian Sabbath, Monday for the Greeks, Tuesday for the Persians, Wednesday for the Assyrians, Thursday for the Egyptians, Friday for the Mohammedans and Saturday for the Jews! Moral lesson: Respect the Sabbath day - rest everyday.

The morning is absolutely spent as a "day of rest." Everyone is asleep. By lunchtime, my meal is interrupted by my baby sister's breaking news: An old moth was standing guard at the gate, fell and is currently incapacitated. My mom was at hand to provide a small container with some water and a freshly-picked flower. As I knelt down to inspect the damage, I noticed two things: One, the moth's left antennae was broken off, reminding me of Hopper in the PIXAR movie "A Bug's Life." Perhaps this moth was dutifully defending our gate and was overwhelmed by some despicable foe? Second, the moth was slowly inching forward, pressing itself against the container towards the gate. Truly, it's loyalty to duty was commendable, despite its injuries and age (it was the oldest-looking moth I've ever seen).
For the rest of the day I let my mind drift.

"The significance of the moth is change," according to Dr. Hannibal Lecter. My mind reels from countless interpretations of this omen. I am advised to "get a haircut" by my loving parents, and it fuels my pondering even more. As I walk towards the barbershop, I remember people changing their hairstyles during moments of significant emotional upheaval. Was the moth fulfilling its purpose by prophesying my imminent haircut, or something more significant?

At least, some things don't change. As I enter the barbershop, the same barbers and money changers greet me (I am still figuring out why barbershops almost always have money changers beside them), the same assorted decorations and posters on the walls and shelves, the same slightly-broken furniture. I continue to drift while I wait for my turn. A poster of Avril Lavigne is on the wall - I like her song "Keep Holding On," it's very reassuring - and I hope her marriage is OK. A boy sitting beside me plays with marbles, and I remember how thrilling that was for me the first time I combined marbles and gravity. I also remember the first time I had a haircut - I thought cutting my hair would hurt me, and I thought the barbers would be too preoccupied with their chit-chat (I always liked how they talk in a provincial dialect that I don't understand) that they would accidentally hurt me... in a way that would make Stephen King proud.

The day ends with no monumental disaster. The rhythm of life winds down from its crescendo, and as I turn down the lights, I think of those whose symphonies continue late into the night, and those whose orchestras have just begun. Mine begins its encore presentation at 2:00 AM.

TRAINING: DAY FIFTEEN

We say goodbye to Trainer Kate for now - it's her last day of subbing for Trainer Dyan. You will be sorely missed, Trainer Kate. Your sarcasm was refreshing! We hope to bump into you when we go to Production (the production floor). I got 95% on my assessment today - a five-percent bump from the last assessment. Looks like we're doing something right - thanks. Good luck with your "complicated" relationship. Despite my fervent attempts to make jokes and disrupt the class and accurately describe you as "sarcastic", you still tag me as "too serious." I give up.

I learned how to dance today! It reminded me of my COCC days, when a female officer ORDERED me to slow-dance with her, just to get me to learn the steps. I enjoyed it, though... we talked about how "unethical" her boyfriend was while the DJ played the track and lowered the lights. Today was not as romantic - my friend Maggie played "Give It To Me" on her cellphone and I was "picking up what she was putting down," as CSI's Warwick Brown would say. A fellow trainee later confessed that he recorded the scene on video using his phone, and I have to say I still dance horribly.

Speaking of CSI, my soon-to-be-CEO friend AA was excited to watch the CSI episode after shift today. If she had a DVD player, I would have lent her my CSI Season 5 DVD collection. Maybe I can save enough money by her next birthday to give her a DVD player. Anyway, we shared a pet peeve today: slowly becoming obligated to provide for immediate family members. Even though we both like to give to our parents and siblings, we would like to remind anyone who cares that we're not responsible for them.

I got my work ID AND my social security ID today! I am totally institutionalized now. Ha! My fellow trainee Gene (who is actually a trainer reassigned to our account) tells me that I don't match the exact profile of a priest, anyway - even though I communicate well. Thanks, Gene. You're the first person I know who DID NOT agree that I should be in the Lord's service. You're also one of the few friends who combine truthfulness and bluntness in a fetching package. Thanks for the encouragement that "there is a future for me waiting once I go in Production." I'll keep that in mind. And yes, the Apostle Paul reminds us that there are many troubles in marriage, and he wants to spare us from this (1 Corinthians 7:28). And Jesus said marriage is only for people on Earth. That's why we say, "'Til death do us part" (Luke 20:34). 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 contains Paul's "suggestions" on marriage based on God-given wisdom.

I made a toast (with a can of Coke) to the successes and failures of the past few weeks of training. I celebrated with a half-eaten packet of cornick and a few bites of a granola bar. Even though it doesn't take a lot to make me happy - I actually enjoy small snack celebrations like this - I don't know why, but I feel like crap. Something tells me it has something to do with the unwritten rule pervading throughout the day. I resist the cliche' of walking home in the rain, but I had to buy stuff at 7-11 - where the last lyrics of an alt-rock love song played in the background. I listen to it and I remember my theory of infatuation (formulated during my informal "case study" with my "partner" during high school): Listen to enough love songs, and you'll feel like you're in love with someone - all it takes is finding that "rare breed," according to Bill Cosby - "the one who will understand you." I dismiss the theory. I go to my room and brood better than Horatio Caine in CSI:Miami. If I ever met the girl who would understand me, she and I would agree that she deserves a lot better than a brooding priest.

Next week on The Royal Priesthood Blog: God only knows.

TRAINING: DAY FOURTEEN

Trainer Kate is subbing today and tomorrow, because Trainer Dyan is on leave. She's a Wave 3 geology major. It's OK, she's fun - during high moments of chaotic class discussions, she grits her teeth, her voice strains and cracks, and she jokingly comments, "That's OK. I don't care" - right before she joins in the laughter and continues the lesson.

I got my salary today! Eh. Not really a good first impression, since we started training halfway through the cutoff. What does that mean? It means I got half of HALF my salary today. Yeah. It sucks, what with bills to pay and debts to settle. It's OK, my soon-to-be-CEO friend (as well as the Compensation & Benefits department) agree that the CEO has to be informed of this. We didn't need to take a field trip today, though. That's what ATMs are for. Celebration: A Sausage McMuffin - it's an AM shift, and I haven't had fast food for a long time. Really. This isn't college anymore - food is COOKED now.

Today seems to be a curious body-snatcher day. Fellow trainees claim I switched dispositions with the most rambunctious of the class, and she seems to be unnaturally reserved today. I enjoyed it while it lasted, anyway. It was like my COCC days: talking loud, laughing hard, and living large. At one point, we practice giving directions to a customer. We ask if she has a pen and paper handy. Trainer Kate responds jokingly, "I've got a whiteboard marker." I then say, "OK. Do you have a wall?"

Today I also learned the basic software I'll be using, which reminded me of software I used a year ago. I also had a chat with a friend I met when I went through the application process - exams, interviews and all that - and now she's starting her second set of training, like me. I also had a conversation with another friend who reminded me of MacGyver's amazing technique on "how to bypass fingerprint scanners" - scotch tape, basically. I've got to remember to get a DVD collection. You know, I used to sport his mullet during high school.

Anyway...

Lastly, I also re-learn that life is cyclical - respects to the Tao - that my mantra is:

"You got a date. I gotta die."

TRAINING: DAY THIRTEEN

Assessment Day! I got 90%. Oh, well. The important thing is, I was AIMING for 100%. Anyway...

We were supposed to get our salary today, so we waited for our ATM cards for a long time. When they finally arrived, we tried withdrawing our keep from a faraway bank. And another. And failed. Mind you, we spent a chunk of change to traverse the urban jungle. We'll try to lodge a complaint to the CEO tomorrow.

Day Thirteen. Even if God probably didn't want us to live on superstition, there is still an element of luck involved in life. Some people are just lucky, even if they don't know God. Some people are unlucky, since they know God - then chock it up to "trials" and "temptations" and whatever. But they're just unlucky, because the cycle of life is in the "down" mode.

Silver lining: The mass of trainees walking through the city together reminded me of a field trip; I got to spend more time with cool friends, and made new friends; I got to have fun chatting with the Compensation & Benefits department staff and share our woes together. That's the trick - always look for the silver lining.

Hopefully, God willing, I'll be talking about getting my salary tomorrow.

TRAINING: DAY TWELVE

This part of my life, as Chris Gardner so succinctly put it, is called "Riding the Bus." Yes, today I rode a bus for the first time by myself! Don't look at me like that, it's just that I always commuted on the train, jeepney, or tricycle before. I felt like Han Solo in the Millenium Falcon, moving at hyperspeed in a "piece of junk," as Luke Skywalker put it. It was cool. Like a theme park ride.

Today is Picture Day! Yes, today we immortalize our happy facial expression for the company. A chance to capture a moment in time when we can say, "This is me." The question is, who am I? What do I believe in? What am I doing here?
This question emphasizes itself in the training room, where a friend lets slip the fact about my virginity. Immediately I am pounded with a thousand questions (not to mention a few "proposed solutions" and a few green jokes). The weird thing is, I'm defensive about the whole thing. So I asked myself, "Why?" because the answer seems to have been forgotten.

Flashback! I had only one girlfriend. Long ago, in my last year at high school. Like many hormonal boys, the thought of sex crossed my mind until it left skid marks. On prom night (no, this is not American Pie), we went as far as French kissing. That's because I received a Divine Intervention - It turns out I was not her only boyfriend. The truth set me free... and broke my heart. We broke up a month after prom night, just to see if we could patch things up. I made a vow that no one will destroy me like that ever again. I realized God's love was the only permanent love, the only love I can count on. I had found my calling.

This element of tragedy added residence to my new mission: To devote myself completely to God until my dying day. True, somewhere down the road I might meet the girl of my dreams, but God will make short work of that. I'm not even "boyfriend material," as some helpful female friends commented. Plus, the flesh is willing, but the spirit is broken. I have been cursed with holiness, and have been set apart forever in Heavenly service. In short, I will probably be a Royal Priest watching the movie "The 40-Year Old Virgin" until the day I die.

Today I looked at the camera and smiled. This is me. Oh well, it could be worse, right?

Yeah, right.

TRAINING: DAY ELEVEN

"Honey, do you love me?" the beautiful girl standing in front of me asks.

"Yes, I do." I hastily reply, then I promptly run.

This is a scene from today's training - rather, from today's intermission. It's a game called "Honey, do you love me?" (no points for title originality), and it's fun. Like Trip to Jerusalem mixed with Truth or Dare. Basically, if the person who is "it" asks anybody seated the title question, the target either responds "Yes, I do" (in which case everybody switches chairs) or "No, because I only love people who..." (then specifies a trait that elicits the others to switch chairs, if they possess the trait). The person left standing when everybody else is seated becomes the target of a "Truth or Dare" and is eliminated. We then nominate the next "it." Anyway, it was fun.

It was also fun how the majority of my batchmates (not just my teammates) were scheduled for the same ungodly hour in the morning. We all got together during the breaks, and that was great - even the part when we all exhausted the office's coffee supply! It was a riot when everybody crammed in the cafeteria, and it was great meeting new people from different groups... that were now my new teammates because of the regrouping. Life is change, after all.

I re-learn how to take the bus today. I've been so used to tricycles, jeeps and trains, I neglected one important member of the public vehicle community. New twist, though: it's 3AM. The thrill of running to catch the bus, mixed with the risk of falling off the bus (non-AC buses keep the windows open to let in air, and the doors open to allow quick passengers to get on and off) was a new rush akin to my COCC days. Not to mention the ever-present threat of early morning robbery and/or terrorist bombing. Just because I'm an employee doesn't mean I'm no longer a thrill-seeking Royal Priest! Downside: I miss the wacky nonsensical tabloid horoscopes I used to get from the train station. Oh, well.

God was definitely present today. After all, He kept me from falling off the bus. And He caused a girl to ask me if I love her (even if it was just a game, I gotta tell you, I was stammering!) and me to reply "Yes" to that inquiry. And He made it so I could enjoy my delicious chicken loaf with my friends during lunch. Yummy. Thanks, God. Oh yeah, and I finished submitting the last bit of pre-employment requirements today. THANK GOD. I have a love/hate relationship with office paperwork. On one hand, I like carrying all those forms around, like it's important (which I'm sure it is). On the other hand, I don't like listing my family tree and all those other numbers and details that I usually ignore. Anyway, overall today was fun. Thanks again, God!

It makes me think of Prince Hector in the movie Troy: "Sometimes the gods bless in the morning and curse in the afternoon." I'm bracing myself for tomorrow. As Chris Gardner put it, "This part of my life is called 'Taking the Bus'."